of the South Seas!

Oh dear! Where trill it all end ?

Nauru: The little Cuba of the South Seas!

AUSTRALIA’S fears about granting independence to the tiny phosphate island of Nauru and its 3,000 people have been outlined to me by a worried senior official of the Department of Territories. “It could become our Cuba”, he said.

“Of course, we have the assurances of the Head Chief, Mr.

Hammer Deßoburt, that Nauru has no territorial ambitions— yet. . . .”

“You mean he isn’t to be trusted?”

“No, I didn’t say that. But he’s on record as saying that he wants Nauru to be ‘unaligned’ ”.

“Ah, if you’re not with us, then you’re against us?”

“That’s one way of looking at it; but what worries some of us in the department is Deßoburt’s statement that ‘later there could be a Pacific community of islands’ ”.

“That’s bad?”

“Depends. Say, for example.

Deßoburt starts growing a beard the day after independence, January 31, 1968. Get me? Next thing you know is that aggressive Nauruan expansionism has to be stopped somewhere. Can we depend on LBJ in any showdown between Nauru and us?”

“You’re exaggerating, surely?”

“No, we and the EA people are simply realists. We must plan for any eventuality in the Pacific basin . . . like missiles in the Buada Lagoon, a dagger held at the throat of Canberra, as it were, only 2,700 miles away.”

“What’s the alternative to in dependence and us retaining control over Nauru’s defence and external affairs?”

“Well, we’re fully committed in Vietnam now and, frankly, we don’t want to be drawn into a prolonged guerrilla war in the Pacific ”

“You’re not suggesting the Nauruans might take to the hills?”

“Not exactly—there aren’t any.

But it would be no picnic trying to winkle out recalcitrant Nauruan independence fighters from pockets in the coral pinnacles. After all, there are 5,263 acres for them to hide in.”

“Then you mean we have no alternative but to grant indepen dence now?”

“The Minister’s holding his cards close to his vest, but I

By Alan Fitzgerald, “Can

berra Times” humorist and former reporter on “The Fiji Times”.

can say we are formulating con tingency plans in the eventuality of complete Nauruan indepen dence and its emergence on the world stage.”

“What exactly do you mean?”

“Look at it, man. Nauru, lack ing any natural resources other than phosphate, gets a seat in the UN and has something like $2OO million to spend.

“First the Russians offer to build them a salt-water de salination plant for $4OO million to replace the island’s brackish wells. Next thing you know, Russian officers are training the Nauru Volunteer Rifle Brigade. ‘Then in a lightning coup d’etat the wireless station, the London Missionary Society mission, the No. 2 co-operative store, district kindergarten and Administration workshops are seized. Deßoburt is over-thrown and the new man flies to Moscow or, worse, Peking.

They do a deal, and we are cut off from our supplies of super phosphate. Hawks in the Country Party demand war, direct inter vention with or without the UN.

“In a clandestine operation, ASIO mounts a full-scale invasion, using expatriate Free Nauruan students as a cover. They go ashore at night at the boat harbour, and by morning the old BPC messroom and post office are ours.

“Meanwhile, our paratroops dropped on the western side of the island are working their way inland from the Protestant Youth Centre. They are, of course, Aborigines specially recruited by us for fire-brigade work in the Pacific. Before the black paras reach the Buada Lagoon to defuse the Red missiles they turn on their Australian officers and swap sides, chanting ‘A Free Arnhem

Land’ and ‘Long live Nauruan- Australian Aboriginal peace and prosperity!’ ”

“It sounds like a nightmare.”

“Stranger things have happened, believe me.”

“But surely our great and powerful friends would stand by us in such a crisis?”

“It depends. The Nauru delega tion at the UN outsmarts us, and rams through a motion denounc ing us as the aggressors. It’s nonsense, of course. . . .”

“Wait a minute, you said we had mounted a clandestine in vasion. . . .”

“Yes, but that was only because they might have fired the first shot if we hadn’t. There’s a distinction, you agree,”

“Yes, you do have a fine point there.”

“Well, the UN Secretary- General demands a ceasefire. We lobby for time, hoping at least to capture the old BPC staff club and trade store to put us in a better bargaining position. But it’s useless.”

“You mean we lose the beach head and the phosphate?”

“Yes, but there are gains. The Suva conference between us and the Nauruans results in the dis mantling of the missile pads from the Buada Lagoon and the re patriation of the Russian cadres in the Volunteer Rifle Brigade.

We agree to ransom our invasion force for $2OO million and to sign a mutual non-aggression pact.

The Nauruans agree to postpone testing of their own nuclear weapons. But they retain the right to exercise control over our defence and external affairs.”

“Did we win?”

“Not exactly, but losing to the Nauruans would have been worse.

After all, they have upped the price of phosphate from 39c a ton two years ago to $6 a ton today. We are lucky to keep our shirts.” —Reprinted by permission from the “Canberra Times”.