The Secret Life Of Professor Wilson

Professor Wilson

By R. M. Rhodes

pROFESSOR J. WILSON, a scientist from Canada, has a very interest ing theory and has travelled an average of 400 miles per day since he left Toronto, trying to prove it.

Recently he was in Rahaul, NG, where the volcanoes interested him, as they, of all the volcanoes he has ever inspected, are the exception to the rule, which may help to prove the

Professor’s theory (whatever it is).

While he was in Rahaul, the follow ing interview took place. Our scribe, too, now has a theory—about Pro

fessors.

TO-DAY I interviewed that elusive per sonality from Canada. Professor J.

Wilson . . . . or, did I?

The Professor, who looks more like the bobbysoxers’ dream of the All-American athlete, than the traditional Professor, gave me his views on the Territory. Or again, did he?

We had a mad conversation which went something like this: “Oh, Professor, I believe you have a very interesting theory, upon which you are working at the moment?”

“Say, haven’t we all?”

“Oh, yes, but I don’t mean THAT ONE.

I mean the purely scientific theory you have, which if you can prove it, will startle all geophysicists the world over.

Something to do with the ground . . .”

“That one? Well of course I just couldn’t possibly talk about that in words of one syllable.”

“Couldn’t you translate it for us?”

“Well, say, I guess not. Not so you would understand it. It is a little difficult to explain to anyone except a Scientist.

See what I mean?”

“Yes, I do see that Professor, but could you . . . .”

“ Now here’s something which IS news.

To-day I had the most wonderful day I’ve had since I arrived in the Territory, I inspected a coral reef —I saw little blue fishes . . . .”

“Were they doing anything that could be interpreted as at all scientifically inter esting?”

“Nope, guess vou couldn’t say they were.

They were just sitting on the reef looking right back at me. Yes, it was the most wonderful day. At five this morning I climbed Matupi Volcano. Then I climbed Vulcan after breakfast. Then after that I ascended the Mother Volcano, and yet a fourth whose name eludes me. Now, those volcanoes really are something. 1 haven’t seen anything like them since I left Canada. You know we have volcanoes there?” „ .

"Just a moment, P.rofessor. What do you think of our volcanoes, as a man of science. Do vou think they are liable to blow their top at any moment?”

“Well, no, I don’t think so. I don t think so at all!”

“May I quote you on that Professor?

“Sure, sure, I don’t see why not. Yes, you may certainly quote me on that. Of course, I don’t know the first mortal thing about volcanoes. But I don’t see why you shouldn’t say that I don’t regard this one as the least dangerous ...”

"Oh dear. I don’t feel in the least as though we are getting anywhere. I’m sure this isn’t what the Public expects from a Man of Science.”

“Now, now, don’t vou take it badly. Say, the last reporter who interviewed me in Australia said he is never going to inter view another scientist just as long as he lives.”