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" Honourable Foot "

By Russell N. Thomas

TETTER from Augustus Kane, Api

School, to Angus McWangle, of

Kiri-Kiri Islands Trading Company:

Dear Angus,—We have just received a croquet set from some friends for the use of the school, but there is no book of words about rules, layout, size of court, etc. As we want to start right, I was wondering whether you could find something about it in one of your numerous books? Come along on Thursday for a spot of tea, when we hope to have the court ready for use.—Yours, AUGUSTUS

Kane.

T ETTER from Angus McW angle to

Augustus Kane:

T , i , .

Gus, Old Chap,—l feel somewhat diffident about aiding and abetting your doubtless well-meant but otherwise nefanous project of introducing yet another qf the horrors of our so-called “civihlisation” to innocent Polynesians, who, with all their faults, are hardly deserving of having such things continually heaped upon them. However, they have already suffered so much that they are probably sufficiently inured by now to be able to take almost anything, even croquet.

Yours, Angus Me Wangle.

AND so on Thursday afternoon, Angus arrived to find the native teachers all collected in a bunch at the side of the court admiring the mallets and balls, while Belshazzer the oSS occasional nibble at the coffee hedge, and

Kid come ““own p«-

aKaT the

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finfne- were in al envelope at

the bottom of the case, and we somehow overlooked them. The set appears to be a perpetration of the sons of Nippon, and weVe had more amusement out of reading them than we ever shall out of playing pfobably. I though of hiding it away at first but perhaps the teachers won’t notice where it was made, and even if they do I don’t imagine they are likely to let it worry them.”

Angus strolled over to where the teachers were studying the rules of croquet reading them out aloud; “When ball of’player strike with gentleness the ball of his competitist, he places honourable foot upon it, and with energetic jolt

of propulsion disappears it to hell-and gone.”

An argument which immediately started over this apparently impossible manoeuvre was silenced by one of their number offering to demonstrate it.

He placed two of the balls on the ground side by side, placed his foot on one, and gave it the energetic jolt of propulsion prescribed.

What happened was more reminiscent of war than croquet. One of the balls exploded, flying into a dozen pieces, while the shaft of the mallet broke in two places at the thin part above the head. One of the pieces hit the goat very hard in the eye, and suddenly deciding -that he had stood just about all that any self-respect ing goat could be expected to stand, he leapt six feet in the air, broke loose from his peg, and lit out for the main gate.

An instant later all the teachers had dropped everything, and were in hot pur suit.

“They are so terribly rough with things,” remarked the headmaster to Angus as he got another mallet and ball out of the case, “it is really surprising how far you can croquet a ball if you do it properly.”

Placing the two balls together, he put his foot on one and hit it moderately hard. The mallet broke off in the same place as the first one. ¥¥7TTHOUT a word they picked up the ff debris, putting it all back in the case which they hid away in the house, and went to sit in the shade.

“Not what you could call an altogether successful afternoon,” the headmaster ob served, “that goat can travel faster than light, and he has by now, spent some time in the Resident Agent’s salad garden up to his knees in the lettuces. The RA and I have already had words over his former depredations.

“Last time we didn’t speak for a week, and this time diplomatic relations will almost certainly be broken off for a month, at least,” he groaned.

“What will the RA do when he espies Belshazzer inside his fence engaged in getting outside of his lettuces,” asked Angus, “Shoot him?”

“No such luck, I only wish he would if it would make him feel better. No. he won’t shoot him, but he'll probably expedite his departure considerably with energetic jolt of propulsion of honourable foot.”