Alice In Kangaroo-Land

(A Story About Nugins, Contributed by a Territorian Who Offers Apologies to the Shade of Lewis Carroll)

ALICE stepped from the Magic Plane as it came to rest in Kangaroo land; and, sure enough, there was the Kangaroo waiting to welcome her.

The Kangaroo wasted no time, and soon Alice was being shown the sights of Sydney. She admired the harbour, the bridge, the post office, and every thing. Suddenly, she spied a line of people queued up in front of a building.

“Who are those people?” she queried.

“Oh. they are Nugins, lining up to receive their dole!” replied the Kangaroo.

“They are not of any importance!”

Alice stopped, and looked compassion ately at the queue, whose members were pitnully trying to keep some semblance of self-respect, in their misery.

“I didn’t know you had poor people in Kangaroo-land; isn’t there enough work for them?” she said.

“It isn’t that, child! These are Nugins, evacuees from Nugini, and some of them are unable to work, because of tropical illnesses, and for various other reasons; we couldn’t let them starve, you see, because we are a Christian Country, and another thing, it wouldn’t look well! So we give them a dole; but, officially, we call it a ‘sustenance allowance’—it sounds better! But, mind you, they’ve got to pay it all back, every penny of it!

Many of the Nugins are working at war

but these you see here are the unfortunate ones wno are unable to ao so.”

'Oh, the poor people ” cried Alice, with tears in her voice. “And, look, there are women ana children among tnem!”

“Yes,” said the Kangaroo, unconcern edly. “They are the families of civilian men who are missing in Nugini since the Japs invaded the piace. Some of those men were too old to be in the Army, and therefore were only civilians, so they don’t really matter! No one wastes any sympathy on them, and neither should you! I keep telling you they are only Nugins!”

“But I remember my daddy telling me that everybody, even people like these Nugins, would come under the Four Freedoms that Mr. Churchill ”

“For Heaven’s sake, child, hush! Don’t let these people hear you talk about the Four Freedoms; it makes them savage!”

“Yes, but daddy told me that British justice ”

“Child, child! Moderate your voice, I entreat you! You’re getting worser and worser! Whenever these Nugins hear the words ‘British justice,’ it drives them simply WILD! Really, I begin to wish you hadn’t come here! Luckily, no one here takes any notice of the Nugins, because, you see, they don’t really mat ter at all. StiU, the way you are speak ing ”

“TJUT why are these people so poor in 1> a country like this?” broke in Alice, determinedly.

“Well, you see, they are not reaUy poor; in fact, some of them own pro perty worth thousands of pounds. But the Army threw them out of Nugini, where they were forced to leave every thing they possessed, and the Army hasn’t paid them for it yet, though that same Army has had it now for over 18 months. It takes a long time for the Army ”

“But I don’t understand! If they own ”

“Yes, yes, child!” growled the Kan garoo, impatiently. “But the Army took whatever it wanted from their property.

All the rest, which the Army says it didn’t want, is missing now. The own ers—that is, these Nugins—-can get com pensation, perhaps, later on, if they can prove that the Army took ”

“But how can they prove what the Army took if they were thrown out of Nugini? That doesn’t seem fair!”

“My goodness, child, what awkward questions you do ask! I do wish you hadn’t come here! Now, listen; some of these Nugins want to go back so that they can get proof of what the Army took, but the Army won’t allow them to returnT”

“Why, that sounds like the bushrang ing tales daddy used to read to me at home. He said that when the bush rangers committed highway robbery, they always tried to do away with all evidence.

It doesn’t seem right to me! Why doesn’t the Government insist that the Army should pay these poor people?”

“Heavens, child, what ridiculous ques tions you do ask! The Government IS paying some of them; the officials decide what amount shall be paid IF the Army admits taking certain goods, and I think the Government will save many thous ands of pounds that way, because the Army thus gets goods much cheaper than if they had to buy them in the ordinary

way. At first, they were getting lorries and cars for just a few pounds, but there was a bit of a commotion over that and they afterwards paid a little more, I believe.”

“But don’t you have Courts of Justice here? Couldn’t they proceed ...” rE Kangaroo shook Alice’s arm in great agitation, and said, fiercely; “Really, my girl, your ideas are dangerous! Don’t you understand that if these Nugins heard you it might put ideas into their heads? And it might even cause a public scandal! Judges here have decided that goods seized by the Army must be paid for on just terms, but I must remind you that these people are only Nugins, who don’t count!”

“Well, these Nugins don’t look like foreigners to me!”

“Nor are they, child! They are Aus tralians who went to Nugini and settled there until the Japs came and the Army ordered them back to Australia!”

Alice looked a little bewildered. “But why don’t you let them go back to Nugini, now that the Japs are being squashed there?”

“We have let a few individuals go back, girl. But you can see the ingratitude of the horrible Nugins, when I tell you that they are now muttering amongst themselves because most of those who have returned are the representatives of the big firms, and all men in a small way of business have been barred. Still, we have allowed a few more missionaries, and some hundreds of Army women, to go back!”

“But that looks as if you have some ulterior reason for stopping the small men from returning there, seeing that you even allow women to go there?

Couldn’t the little men run their small plantations? If the big firms can run their big plantations, why can’t the small men run theirs? I don’t see what ...”

“Well, you see, the Army has directed the big plantation men to run the small plantations as well, and the small men have to pay for that on terms laid down by the Army, so I suppose the small men won’t get much out of it. Still, look at the really excellent lesson in patience and hopefulness it is for these small men!” And the Kangaroo gave a satis fied smirk. dear!” cried Alice, with a sigh, as she looked across the road at the Nugins. “It’s all very complicated and unfair! Still, I suppose these poor people will be alright when they do go back to Nugini after the war?”

“Oh, yes! We’ve already sent two good men over to England to learn how to

govern the country after things settle down again up there.

“To England! Why? Don’t you know anything about such things as governing here. A there a Government m “™ gl ?PQ b ?wL t £oc^ ar? rf -I Oh, yes, there was, and we have an Exterminated Territories Department looking after it now. But these two good men ’

“Well, couldn’t some of the Nugini Government men carry on the Government after the war, as they did before?

It must cost a lot of money to send those men to England to learn how to govern?”

“Yes,” said the Kangaroo, with a cheery smile, “but the Government here pays that!”

“Yes ” renlied Alice thonp - btfiiliv “t suppose the"cost does 6 ’ the* taxpayers’ money. But it really does seem strange to me that you should send fxlerte here' an i expect me P nt rtS m h en e in EngS what they have read about Nugini, so how could they teach anybody better than the men who have actually lived in Nugini, and know the place from experi- “Good heavens, child ”

“A ND another thing,” cried Alice, ix warming to her subject, “if you have money to spare to send to England for information which you already should have here, why haven’t you paid these poor Nugins for the goods you have taken from them?”

“Ah, my child, you don’t understand these things! Now, your daddy ”

“My daddy would say just what I say!” cried Alice, now fairly roused. “He would say that it is all horrid, and unfair, and un-British! And I think you ought to be ashamed of yourselves, so there! I think the whole thing is dishonest, and when I go home, if ever I see Winnie Churchill ”

“I think you are a horribly rude little girl, and I hope you won’t come to Kan garoo-land again! Your ideas may even make people here, as well as the Nugins, start to think, and look what a fearful mix-up that would cause! Where would our wonderful Exterminated Territories Department be if that happened?”

So agitated and upset was the Kan garoo at the thought of such a catas trophe, that he rushed Alice away to the Magic Plane, dumped her down hard in the seat, and shooed her off hurriedly back to England, muttering savagely, under his breath: “Damn all Nugins!”