Port's Third

"Club"

An Amusing Memory of Pre-war Papua

PORT Moresby, always noted for its hospitality to visitors, boasted two clubs, “The Papuan” and “The Pub lic Service”, and their visitors’ books con tained the names of many notable people from distant lands whom they had from time to time entertained.

At one period, however, another club came into being: and, as events proved, it rivalled the others in its liberal enter tainment and its list of “honorary mem bers.”

It was discovered at the annual stock taking of the Papuan Club (whose mem bers comprised the elite of the Terri tory) that a quantity of stock had mys teriously disappeared. The services of the Port’s solitary European constable were sought, to elucidate the matter. He instructed the native police, of whom about 30 did duty every night in and around the Peninsula, to keep a watch

on the native stewards, after they left the Papuan Club, and to report to him anything suspicious.

One evening, a week later, a police man came to the station, and reported that he had discovered the thieves. “Tau bada,” he said, “you come plenty quick time. I show you! I see that fella plenty big lot bottle! He go to house in Koki; plenty native there!”

The European constable mustered a half-dozen native police, and they con verged quietly on the scene. The officer, after placing his men at different points, took up a position at a broken window of the corrugated-iron building, standing in the dark where he could watch the proceedings inside. rE room was furnished with a couple of trestles, on which boards were laid to act as a table; and, seated around on boxes, were natives. On mats, on the floor, other natives were playing a card game of “Kings,” with old packs of cards. Those seated around the table were all stewards of the Papuan Club.

The latter were a dignified crowd, apparently out to impress their fellows with their importance. To the watcher’s

astonishment, he discovered that they were apeing some of the prominent mem bers of the Club. Those at the table greeted a late-comer, and one exclaimed: “Oh! Here’s Bill! What about a spot, Dupain?”

“Dupain” answered: “Well, it will have to be a quick one. That damned ‘Mor inda’ is just coming round the Point!”

A native, with the lid of a butter-box to act as a tray, and a cloth over his arm, then presented himself. Taking the order—which included whisky, beer and smokes —he retired to an adjoining room, and shortly after returned with his “tray” loaded with tin-pots and bottles.

After the drinks, he presented a chit for signature to one of the members.

Another late arrival, with a bright red hibiscus behind each ear, was greeted by the other members as “Judge.” One asked: “What you give that fella. Judge, who take that grog from Club?”

Judge; “Oh. I tink I fine him two bob!”

All joined in the laugh which followed.

After the drink, another, seated at the table, addressed one whose head was adorned with frangipanni; “Well, Sefton, how rubber going?”

“Sefton”: “Oh, not too good. Big trouble with them mules and store at Rouna! I think I kick up one big row!”

Then, addressing another native, he asked: “What you tink, Loudon?”

And “Loudon” answered: “What I think? This very dry talk. What you have, gentlemen?”

The constable could bear no more of it, and decided to make his presence known. He sounded his whistle, the building was rushed, most of the “mem bers” were taken prisoner, and a good deal of the Papuan Club’s stolen property was recovered.

At the subsequent Court proceedings, sentences ranging from two years to three months and fines of £2O were inflicted.

Some of the natives pleaded that they had nothing to do with the thefts, and their presence at the “club” was due to their having been made “honorary mem

bers”!-

M.R.H.

Memo From Australian and American Troops on Melanesian Stations

FIGURE ON LEFT: Hullo! I'm the Islands Girl as the writers and illustrators depict her. Who are you?

DITTO ON RIGHT: Oh, I'm the Islands Girl as she is!