Tupane Goes All

Temperamenta l

A Trader's Tale By "Tukapa

TUPANE was a jolly fellow of bibulous and eccentric tendency, whom I, as village trader, delighted with my confidence, as expressed in a little bit of kaiou —otherwise designated “tick”.

He was a stout worker, and never let me down, so his entry into the store moved me to genial beams and weather prophecy. I have never been able to acquire‘ the art of hand-washing with invisible soap and water that is the mark of commercial guest-welcome.

Tupane was something very near to that awful character, the Native Pro fessionally Quaint. He had seen men and cities, had even “fought”—his fight ing consisted of transporting cases of bully—in Egypt, in the now-no-longer Great War.

Tupane had a fund of carefully broken English, and it was his life-ambition to akamaroiroi in church—a sort of speaking-when-the-Spirit-moves, as prac tlsed by the Society of Friends. But he never seemed to be moved on Sundays by anything but “bush-beer”—and later, policemen!

Upon a day, I had need of some sand from the beach—still free, in our island paradise!—and with sack in hand, went down the rocky Jacob’s-ladder that leads from our village ki tai, as the populace call seaward.

It was Court day; not the royal variety but that when the local Old 5~ ley T deal . s ltb smn ers Outside the Office I met Do-Funny, as he was known and deservedly to me.

H 1 4. had in his hand a bi £> ugly machete, or cane-knife; the snickersnee waved as he beat time to some sort of droning song, and he stood swaying with hls e ,yes closed, incongruously bedight in an old military great-coat. I don’t know what he had thereunder; nothing, more than hkely!

I hailed Do-Funny with jocund jest, and he Rolanded my Attic Oliver. For about five minutes we had great fun; but Do-Funny’s obvious unsteadiness, and his noisy hilarity, made him an embarrassing companion. Besides, I had uiy bag of sand to get. I went to the Place of shining coral “sugar”, and filled W sack, leaving Do-Funny to face—as I then thought—his waiting trial for insobriety.

The same night, I was just about to turn in, after my fatiguing sand-labours, when I had my mind altered by the very devil of a rumpus down the village „ eet ; u Sil °uts, screams, yells; and, fina uy. the roar of a shot-gun. There was plainly something wrong. As I listened, the sound of heavy feet, pounding the earth road outside my hut, faded inland. 1 grabbed a wooden axe-handle, and went out on the road to investigate.

As I reached the public thoroughfare a drum began to rattle. The voice of news then sounded: “Beware, all! Tupane has gone crazy and killed two men. Get your guns and come!”

A pretty kettle of fish! The village was terrified. All sorts of tales were passed from neighbour to aroused neighhour, and the death-roll swelled by repetition from two to two hundred.

It was a card-game that sent Tupane “off”. When I met him on the beach road he was not drunk. The man had beeu going insane for years, and now he was a dangerous, homicidal maniac at large; but I found out, by inquiry

from the native cop, that no one had been really killed ; Do-Funny had just given two of his card-companions a chop or two—nothing serious; he had nearly cut off the hand of one, and split the scalp of the other. , This news was cheering; but in spite of the absence of actual mayhem in the case, as expected, in the form of first degree evisceration, the village got no sleep that night, We patrolled, with such arms as were available; but Do-Funny had vanished from the haunts of men.

When I had time to remember how I had stood with this knife-armed maniac for so long, only that morning, I went goosey all over, The denouement was not dramatic Tupane, “Do-Funny”, didn’t! He re turned to his home the next morning as quiet as the sanest of citizens and was found tending his horse, But Do-Funny, seized from behind and tied up by a gang of men, immediately reverted to a foaming, gnashing man killer, and he had to be watched all the time thereafter. Even manacled, tied with rope, and with his feet in another pair of “darbies”, he was a menace; and the bonds had to be constantly renewed After three weeks of constant anxiety to his keepers, Do-Funny was removed bv steamer to his right place. He lived only six months, poor old fellow! ■ Mrs. Emma Smith, wife of Captain Arthur Smith, of the Fiji inter-island motor-ship, “Tui Kauvaro”, died recently m Su Y a o War Memorial Hospital, at the age 52 ' Mrs. K. C. Crump, wife of Rev. Crumn of the Presbyterian Mission, Nguna, New Hebrides, recently arrived in New Zea land with her young son.