I Come "Angery"

The Sufferings of an Islands Trader

By E. Gold, Mangaia, Cook Islands

AT this date, the vitamins and proteins of my continued existence are at the mercy of the ninth of a series of brown female servitors, aged variously from seventeen to twenty-six.

Brief life was here the portion of some of them.

Mere, for instance (native for Mary— but, I fear, lacking in the snowy purity associated with the name). Mere was a relation of the native king, and ranked perhaps as a Lance-Duchess. As a feature of the landscape she wasn’t bad—some thing on the Mae West pattern—but she crashed over a matter of Meum et Tuum. (Even in the Cook Islands there’s a line of demarkation, faint though it may be!) The Beefy Nordic and I were having our Saturday night spree of music gramophone, guitar-strumming and gen eral hilarity, plus tea-drinking. Duchess Mere was sent to get bread at the bakery of one Kake (pronounced Cock-Eh, not Cake!—but have it your way!) She went, and returned with staff-of-life aforesaid.

Also, concealed on her person, she had 15/- of Kake’s till-money, filched while he was gettmg the bread.

Strumming joyously, the Beefy Nordic and I were interrupted by a panting and agitated Kake, new-arrived from a re count of his petty cash.

Mere was sent for. Mere was third degreed. Mere, weeping, confessed. The money was returned to Kake, and Mere to her exalted family. I was a Lance- Duchess short. r[E next incumbent, one Roi, was a lady of original ideas. Her method of

extinguishing a Primus was to blow it out. To Roi, baking powder and caustic soda were as one. Caught one day “boil ing” an empty kettle on a roaring stove at full pressure, she, be-sworn, sat down by the waters of Mangaia and wept. Roi’s resignation followed.

I next acquired Maina. She was a pert damsel who flattered herself as a linguist, refusing to speak anything but English Maina fell violently from grace, ap pearing as the co-re in a native divorce.

But she expected it to make no difference to her job—what was a divorce or so among friends?

“You finish!” said I.

“Oh, no”, said Maina. “I no like!”

“You no spoke!” said I. “I come angery!

Nemmine you no like —you went!”—and that, so to speak, was that.

THE succeeding incumbent, one Tara, did fairly well, but lasted only six months before matrimony set in. I went to her wedding as best man (which I cer tainly was). All in all, it cost me about 30/-.

At present, I have Tutana as Queen of the kitchen.

Her name (Susanna in English) is, I hope, a promise of chaste constantcy. The Beefy Nordic says the cakes she bakes are “not bad”. This, from him, means in Hollywood-ese, Hyper-Super-Colossal.

But I am uncheerful. I hear that a party, representing parties of the sec ond part, held conference last night with Tutana’s father, view matrimony, and I wait in apprehension.

Mr. L. N. Tribolet, auditor for Burns, Philp and Co. Ltd., returned to Austra lia in mid-October after a business visit to Papua.